Wille

前言/perface

人生的意义/the meaning of life

比较悲观的说,我觉得人生没有意义,活着毫无意义。并不是在说我轻生,只是实在没有意义。令人愉悦的幻觉,身不由己的行动…镜花水月而已。

I really think life itself is meaningless. I don’t intend to give up my life, I just emphasize, it’s meaningless. Pleasant hallucinations, nvoluntarily acted… They all make life a disaster.

我的人生没有目的。我想做的也仅是避开明显不是人生意义的选项,很可惜的是,仅此就难以实现。

My life is not my message. I just want to avoid the bad ways obviously, however, I can’t.

那又怎样/so what

我和大部分人一样懒散,好吃懒做,得过且过,而这明显是不对的。本文意在以记录的形式,见证我自己或转变,或不变,或变好,或变坏。

As most people at my age, I’m lazy, very lazy, and the life shouldn’t be waste by a lazy guy. That’s that, I want to change, and I put it down here, as a witness. Maybe it worth.

试着回答,现存的是否必然如此?

I intend to answer, whether existing necessarily so?

规则/rule

以例子来说明:

for example:

日期/date 星期/week 起床/wake 睡觉/sleep 番茄/tomatos 0day 习惯/habits
20170905 星期二/Tue 10:00 01:00 0/25 –:– 4/11

其中“番茄”指的是完成标准番茄时钟的数量,24是每天的目标。“习惯”指的是Loop循环习惯记录中定制的习惯完成情况,11是总数。0day则为记录的纯学习时长(通常用于编程或与之类似的非常沉浸的学习状态)。

In this example, tomatos refer to tomoto_clock, 24 is everyday goal. Habits refer to Loop Habit Tracker, 11 is everday total task. 0day sets to record the time period when programming or deeping into do something.

我的Loop循环习惯记录。其中“读一本书”指kindle当前显示设置显示的200页以上;“读一篇文献”指标准A4纸文献40页以上

开始/start

日期/date 星期/week 起床/wake 睡觉/sleep 番茄/tomatos 0day 习惯/habits
20170905 星期二/Tue 10:00 01:00 0/25 –:– 4/11
20170906 星期三/Wed 09:30 01:00 1/25 –:– 4/11
20170907 星期四/Thu 07:00 02:00 0/25 –:– 4/11
20170908 星期五/Fri 09:30 00:00 0/25 –:– 5/11
20170909 星期六/Sat 06:30 01:00 1/25 –:– 4/11
20170910 星期日/Sun 07:00 00:00 0/25 –:– 6/11
20170911 星期一/Mon 07:00 01:00 4/25 –:– 5/13
20170912 星期二/Tue 07:00 01:40 4/25 –:– 8/13
20170913 星期三/Wed 07:00 00:30 10/25 –:– 8/13
20170914 星期四/Thu 07:00 00:46 4/25 –:– 8/13
20170915 星期五/Fri 07:00 00:40 8/25 –:– 6/13
20170916 星期六/Sat 07:40 01:15 7/25 –:– 6/13
20170917 星期日/Sun 08:23 00:36 12/25 –:– 6/13
20170918 星期一/Mon 07:00 00:22 4/25 –:– 6/13
20170919 星期二/Tue 07:00 00:39 10/25 –:– 8/13
20170920 星期三/Wed 07:00 00:10 5/25 –:– 5/13
20170921 星期四/Thu 07:00 00:20 10/25 –:– 7/13
20170922 星期五/Fri 07:00 00:36 12/25 –:– 5/13
20170923 星期六/Sat 08:30 03:00 6/25 –:– 2/13
20170924 星期日/Sun 09:00 00:30 6/25 –:– 3/13
20170925 星期一/Mon 08:30 01:00 5/25 –:– 2/13
20170926 星期二/Tue 06:30 00:00 0/25 03:00 8/13
20170927 星期三/Wed 08:40 00:30 1/25 00:00 -/13
20170927 星期四/Thu 08:40 00:30 -/25 –:– -/13
LOST IN HOLIDAY LOST IN HOLIDAY LOST IN HOLIDAY
20171009 星期一/Mon 08:30 02:12 -/25 05:00 4/13
20171010 星期二/Tue 09:15 01:57 -/25 01:00 3/13
20171011 星期三/Thr 10:30 01:30 -/25 –:– 3/13
20171012 星期四/Thu 08:51 02:17 -/25 –:– 4/13
20171013 星期五/Fri 11:05 02:00 -/25 –:– 3/13
20171014 星期六/Sat 05:30 00:36 -/25 00:30 6/13
20171015 星期日/Sun 07:30 00:37 -/25 –:– 5/13
20171016 星期一/Mon 07:33 02:51 -/25 –:– 4/13
20171017 星期二/Tue 08:28 –:– -/25 –:– 3/13

问题与解决/problems and solutations

P1: 睡眠时间显得不足。表现在两个方面,抑郁和容易犯困,无法集中精力。甚至造成因难以集中精力的浪费时间的过程(因为累,总想拖延一会儿)。最终因为困顿累计到一定程度,还需要专门延长睡眠时间/Sleeping less and feel tired. In two ways, feel bad and always fall asleep. Usually, I couldn’t keep my attention on a special thing. Even let me always take a unecessary long time to do a small thing. In the last, I have to spend time on more sleeping to get myself back.

我是出于想要弥补自己白天浪费的时间的目的来熬夜,整体看来,完全没有必要,这样做是一个恶性循环,白天失去的已经无法弥补,试图熬夜弥补只不过是在压榨第二天的精力。将0点睡觉由推荐转为强制,我以前采取过这种方法,即无论在做什么,0点强制上床睡觉,我因此也调整了Loop循环记录中的条目。以及最后我想再次给自己强调,总有那么一些事情,You Can Not Redo. 请慎重对待每一个选择。

I want to take back my the time which I waste to work, so I choose to stay late. However, in the long run, it’s meaningless and waste my energe. So here I try to turn recommend 0:00 to get on bed as 0:00 must get on bed, which means, whatever I do on that time, give up and go to sleep. And I change the item on Loop Habit Trackers to record my behaviour. I stll hope myself to understand, there comes the thing You Can Not Redo.

P2: 刷手机依然是时间的无底洞。虽然有禁止刷推送(习惯APP中的一项的要求),但是期待和别人闲聊,主动发起话题、延长话题来达成这个目的,以及期待加入群聊的话题…另外总想刷一刷淘宝之类的意淫一波“如果有…会过上…的生活”之类的/Cellphone is a disaster to my study or work. Although I forbid myself to read daily updates, I stll couldn’t help to talk with someone else, and I always start more and more topic and talk too much… and I spend too much time on taobao to image if I would have something, how my life would become, meaningless.

这个也好办,由原先“不允许用手机做什么”,“改成允许用手机做什么”这样的规则。获取信息的话,仅在早饭,午饭,晚饭时看推送业已足够,因此只允许在这三个时段查看聊天信息。能够使用手机的情景仅限于,查询必要的信息,使用必要的工具。总而言之,在拿出手机前,衡量一下是出于什么样的原因?并舍弃掉纯粹是“想”的原因。

It’s a easy deal, just adjust the former “when forbid use cellphone” to “when you could use cellphone”. In order to get information, only use cellphone when go to breakfast, lunch, and supper. Only really need cellphone to play a role as tool couldn’t be replaced, then you can use it. And when I put out my phone, think about “Do I really need it?” and give up when just want to play something.

不幸的事,就在我写下这些解决方案之后的没几天,浪费在刷手机上的时间越来越多,难以控制的拿起手机越来越严重。

Unfortunely, these days after I write down about how to reduce the time spending on phone, it really make myself play more and more on phone…”keep calm and go back to work”

鉴于上,我觉得我无法控制自己在学习或进行一项需要精力投入的工作的时候不去刷手机。因此只有来最后的也是最严厉的措施,将手机关掉。只有在早上和晚上做公交车往返于学校的时候才允许打开手机读消息。或是仅仅使用手机提供服务,也仅限于使用手机提供服务,一旦完成立刻关机,比如提供Wi-Fi热点,打开共享单车,打电话等。其它时间一律关机。我绝不要被手机狗带。

Because I think I really cannot control myself keep calm, here I take the last method, poweroff the phone. Only power on when on the morning and in the evening on the bus goes to school, Or power on but shouldn’t use it more than a tool, such as just providing wifi or open a ofo etc. I’m not go die.

P3: Owing to the bus on the moring to school, I have planned to get up at 6:30. This simple decision casued lots of troubles, I have found at least three problems I need to deal with early or later. Firstly, I waste too much time on washing and cleanning in the morning, which is always more than fourty minutes, and that’s reason why I have to get up at 6:30 to get on the bus at 7:20; Secondly, taking a shower late everday, almost the moment after a shower is the time I get on bed, how could I fall sleep quickly after a shower? that’s the reason why after I planned to get up at 6:30, I never get a well, and full time sleep. The last problem which is so hard for me, when I feel bad(because lack of sleep), then I let myself feel bad and get rid of the duty to study or work, It’s a disaster! The problem I havn’t defeat from long long ago, I don’t really know how to do. It’s true I desire to become stonger and stronger, however, it’s also true that I don’t like to suffer the pain from practice to gain the power.

I have modified the Loop Habit Tracker, follow this new one, and the first two problems can be send away. That’s that, I stll have no idea about the last serious problem. I try to find answer from the running experience and the time which I really deep myself in(though not much totally), I think maybe I lack a goal which could be reach in a day long timescale. Find it and do it. Everday life always same, there must be some spliendid things lies under the common life. Take a try and see what happens.

P4: Lost in holiday…Let alone everyday

No matter how small the flame is, you should kindle repeatedly. Find where you stop, and then keep going. Today I find a pretty good faith, rely on myself and believe on the power I have.

火苗再小,也要反复点燃。从哪里停下来,就从哪里继续前进。今日我发现了一个很好的作为信仰的东西,依赖自己相信自己,成为一个很厉害的人。

P5: I find that I always feel I just live and have no significance. Time is wasted.

In fact, I want to put down this answer then give that problem. Here let’s find a target each time, the feeling of having done something is good, and I know I could make it happen.

更新日志/update

  • 00000000 本文持续更新,在这里不对持续更新内容记录
  • 20170905 初次成文
  • 20170914 更改软件截图
  • 20170917 更改软件截图,添加问题与解决
  • 20170924 add weekday to the form
  • 20170926 adjust Loop Habit Tracker; add 0day
  • 20170927 poweroff the phone and set myself free
  • 20170928 add a problem and a answer in English, adjust the Loop… change name “绝对/JUDGEMENT” -> “Wille”, which means “will” in German

碎碎念/nagging

  • 20170905 越来越觉得靠主观努力是非常不靠谱的事情。恪守规则方能在智商下线时获得一个“下限”,对于想要努力的主观来讲也并非阻碍:P
  • 20170914 睡的有点太晚了,感觉有些抑郁与难以集中注意力。另外总觉得自己利用时间的方式是属于粗放式生产,总而言之正如我说的,规则产生下限,先把下限做好,再追求上限
  • 20170917 然而令人感到绝望的是,就在想出怎样控制浪费在手机上的时间、准备在这里加上这段前,我又玩了半天手机…
  • 20170924 Because my MI band has some troble, then I have to reckon the time I fall asleep as before from 20170922. May be there comes someday I would repair it or buy a new one. And I have to point that, the behaviour in weekend is so bad, in fact, I have the thoughts that I could relax myself in weekend, however, here I think I relax too much. That’s that, one of the purpose I add week to the form is trying to remind myself, the behaviour should be better
  • 20170926 stay up late(such as 03:00 in 20170923) really hurt. And even today I still feel bad, not refer to the two days before, as you can see, I did a little work recently(even I did some work on programming). On the one hand it’s a long way to get rid of the bad learning habits, and it takes time, maybe fail more than one times. However, here I want to emphasize that, I think stay up late mostly cause the disaster. Never do this again, step by step, let’s go! In order to go to school by bus in about 7:20, so I adjust the getup time, I think riding to school is a dangerous way because the heavy traffic
  • 20170927 I found I couldn’t get enough sleeping and have to sleep more than 7 hours, because I get on bed late everday, or even not, I do something that make myself too excited to sleep quickly, it means I sleep less than 7 hours. Let’s take shower immediately when enter my dorm, then I can get to sleep whenever I feel sleepy
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